The Great Softie Giveaway

OK, friends … I have tempted you with pictures of fuzzy little bunnies, kitties and bears … and of course, poop.  And there’s more, a little bit more – a robot creature, pictures to come.  So, you want some?  Of course you do.  And here is your chance.  You too can score the critter of your choice.  But you gotta work for it.

To get the softie of your choice, tell me a joke in the comments.  Doesn’t even have to be all that funny.  First come, first serve as far as selection; tell me which critter (and, for bunny, kitty and bear, color choice).   Any old joke will do, and it doesn’t matter if you’re a frequent poster or a first-timer.
So don’t be shy! Post away, make me smile, and get a critter.

I have no idea when this competition will end, by the way, so don’t hesitate or procrastinate, but post your corniest efforts ASAP.  Good luck!

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10 thoughts on “The Great Softie Giveaway

  1. Here is my joke, courtesy of my husband. In Bulgaria there are dirty jokes about ‘Ivancho’:

    In biology class, the teacher asks Ivancho, ‘Tell us about the heart.’ Ivancho says, ‘The heart is sweet and has legs.’ The teacher says, ‘Where did you hear that?’ Ivancho says, ‘Last night when I was walking under your window, I heard ‘Sweetheart, open your legs”

  2. Ok, this one is not for young eyes:

    What did the Egg say to the Boiling Water?

    “It might take me a while to get hard – I just got laid”.

  3. A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45AM, there’s a knock at the personnel manager’s door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she’s incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

    Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo’s legs.

    The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, “I’m sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”

  4. Grr.. I left my funniest joke somewhere else. Ok, here are two for two.
    The dirty one:
    Why did the rubber fly across the room? Because it got pissed off.
    The clean one:
    Knock Knock. Who’s there? Cow. Cow who? Owls who, cows moo.
    I hope two bunnies make tonights flight. Can’t wait to see you and Echo. Marcie (aka Maggie)

  5. How did I go so long without checking in?! Such great softie action here.
    Now for the jokes, both clean because I am never rude 😉

    Where did the spaghetti go to dance?
    The MEAT BALL!!!!

    Why was the mermaid embarassed?
    Because she saw the big ships bottom!!!

  6. The needle and thread
    Have gone to her head!
    (It is said)
    Despite mugs most cunning
    And theories quite stunning
    It is the turds and bunnies that spread!

  7. ok its david

    my joke:
    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”

    3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”

    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

    7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.

    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.

    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

    12. Sniffle incessantly.

    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

    14. Name your dog “Dog.” 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”

    16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”

    17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.”

    18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.

    19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”

    20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

    21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

    22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss.

    23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

    24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

    25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.”

    26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.”

    27. Wear a special hip holster for your
    remote control.

    28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.

    29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

    30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.

    31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

    32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

    33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”

    34. Drum on every available surface.

    35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

    36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

    37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

    38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
    into peoples backpacks.

    39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

    40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

    41. Set alarms for random times.

    42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

    43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

    44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.

    45. Honk and wave to strangers.

    46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

    47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

    48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies.

    49. Wear your pants backwards.

    50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

    51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”

    52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

    53. only type in lowercase.

    54. dont use any punctuation either

    55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

    56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

    57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

    58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

    59. Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.

    60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

    61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.”

    62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

    63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

    64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

    65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”

    66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

    67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.

    68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”

    69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

    70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

    71. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

    72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.

    73. Drive half a block.

    74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

    75. Ask people what gender they are.

    76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

    77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

    78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.

    79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

    80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

    81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

    82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

    83. Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”

    84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

    85. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.

    86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

    87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”

    88. Sing along at the opera.

    89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

    90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”

    91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”

    92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

    93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
    about “psychological profiles.”

    94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”

    95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

    96. Never make eye contact.

    97. Never break eye contact.

    98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.

    99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.

    100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

    101. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.

    got it from cool funny jokes haha

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